you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Everclear isn't food dammit
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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