Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
