I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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