i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
