ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
