WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You took a bar mat shot.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
