Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
