the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
