i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
