i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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