i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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