If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
