Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
