I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He felt like a one man threesome
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
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Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
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We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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