At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize