She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
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Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
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You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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