It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
