My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
