im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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