the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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