I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
