All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
