Nicole vs. Life
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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