Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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