A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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