Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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