I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
