Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
