so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
