You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
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