it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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