So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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