2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize