Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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