I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize