theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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