the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Randomize
