New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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