I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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