I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
