Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
