oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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