Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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