if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
