Can i not drive my cunt home
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
There r osticjed everywhere
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
