you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
