So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
