I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
