Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
whose parrot is this?
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.