There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.