it wasn't lemon gatorade
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm like, not good at living.