Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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