I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
