What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
