Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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