I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
