I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
