I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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