If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
