Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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