I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I wish i was in the wii world.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
