Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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