he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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