I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
