Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
