it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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