Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
